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Posts: 1,091June 2012
A Liverpool girl goes to the welfare
office to register for child benefit.
"How many children?"
asks the welfare officer.
"Ten" replies the Liverpool girl,
"Ten?" says the
welfare worker.
"What are their names?"
"Nathan, Nathan,
Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and
Nathan"
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the
Liverpool girl, "It's great
because if they are out playing in the street I just have to
shout 'Nathan yer dinner's ready!' or 'Nathan go to bed now!'
and they all do it.
"What if you want to speak to one
individually?" says the curious welfare worker.
"That's
easy," says the Liverpool
girl... "I just use their
surnames"A Liverpool girl enters an adult shop and
asks for a vibrator.
The man says: "Choose one from our
range on the wall." She says "I'll take that red one."
The
man replies: "That's a fire
extinguisher."Q. What do you call a 27
year old Liverpool
girl?
A. Granny.
Q. What do you call a
Liverpool girl in a white
tracksuit?
A. The bride.
Q. What does a
Liverpool girl use as
protection during sex?
A. A bus shelter.Q.
There are two Liverpool girls
in a car without any music - who is driving?
A. The
policeman..Q. What's the most confusing day in
Liverpool ?
A. Father's
dayQ. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in
Liverpool ?
A. You try
finding 3 wise men and a virgin
there!Primary Teacher explains to her
class that she is a Liverpool
fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they too
are Liverpool
fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one
little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise
and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'
'Because
I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she
replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you
are not a Liverpool fan, then
who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Chelsea fan, and
proud of it,' Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe
her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Chelsea
fan?'
'Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a
Chelsea fan, so I'm a
Chelsea fan
too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed
tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Chelsea fan. You
don't have to be just like your parents all of the time...
What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug
addict, what would you be then?'
'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd
be a Liverpool
fan.An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser
are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his
own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not
recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare,
until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's
Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a
pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a
pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the
drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints
slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks,
Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the
Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When
he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God!
The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a
miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him
for the lager.
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in
shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is
completely gone! It's A Miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the
Scouser who says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability
benefit.A Scouser walked into the local job
centre, marched straight up to the Counter and said 'Hi, I'm
looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied
'Your timing is amazing’.
We've just got one in from a
very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his
nymphomaniac twin daughters.
You'll have to drive around
in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided.
The
hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have
to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays.
The
Salary package is £200,000 a year'.
The Scouser said
'You're bullshitting me!'
The man behind the counter said
'Well you started
it!'Police cordoned off
Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object
was discovered in a car.
It later turned out to be a tax
disk. -
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Posts: 1,091June 2012
null
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We can reproduce fine thanks, its just with a one in 7 billion chance they could turn out like you, we thought it was an unacceptable risk so we took someone from Jeremy Kyle instead, just to make sure we got a much better quality of child.
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Posts: 1,048June 2012IhateRS said:
We can reproduce fine thanks, its just with a one in 7 billion chance they could turn out like you, we thought it was an unacceptable risk so we took someone from Jeremy Kyle instead, just to make sure we got a much better quality of child.
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Denial is a wonderful thing, so if ts not her then you must be a jaffa.
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Posts: 2,329June 2012 I remember a Great joke in the fanzine 'When Skies are Grey' in the 80's or 90's, I'll av to find it and put here. It was about a Chap saying his Girlfriend was this and that (REALLY Bad), but how could he tell his family she was a Liverpool Fan.
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Posts: 2,157June 2012 And you chose to support a team in liverpool you absolute f**kwit, if you dislike scousers so much find another team you horrible little s**t.
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Posts: 7,525June 2012 Oh come on they were funny jokes, just need to replace the scouser bit to somat else like a Taffy, i'd still laugh, they were funny......ya know humour, sense of humour, what all scousers are brilliant at........
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Posts: 2,157June 2012 You weren't chosen you Muppet, you like all of us made a decision to support everton. One jokes funny Howie but a list of degrading jokes aimed at scousers is taking the p**s and looking to get a response, which myself and whcp have given and which we are entitled to do.
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Posts: 1,091June 2012mikraz said:
You weren't chosen you Muppet, you like all of us made a decision to support everton. One jokes funny Howie but a list of degrading jokes aimed at scousers is taking the p**s and looking to get a response, which myself and whcp have given and which we are entitled to do.
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Fella if it upset you that much I apologise and never meant to.
Your still massively over reacting.
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Posts: 1,091June 2012
you do, liverpool-benefits-multiple childrem(you cant reproduce)
apologise-----------------
Fella if it upset you that much.. then its my best post ever.
Now fk off you car stereo stealing, tracksuit wearing, inbred, scouse minge and go and feed your daughter in the cellar.
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Posts: 1,048June 2012IhateRS said:
Fella if it upset you that much.. then its my best post ever.
Now fk off you car stereo stealing, tracksuit wearing, inbred, scouse minge and go and feed your daughter in the cellar.-----------------
Honestly it didn't it just give me an excuse to bash you over the head with your empty sack fatty
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Posts: 1,091June 2012
Honestly it didn't it just give me an excuse to bash you over the head with your empty sack fatty-----------------
It clearly did now grow up and fk off back to your ma, she's tied to bed where you left her.
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Posts: 1,048June 2012IhateRS said:
It clearly did now grow up and fk off back to your ma, she's tied to bed where you left her.
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it clearly didn't my mar is too busy try to pro create but shes had the change so shes now like you and yer missus aka both can't reproduce a child and have a porno muzzy.
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Posts: 1,091June 2012
it clearly didn't my mar is too busy try to pro create but shes had the change so shes now like you and yer missus aka both can't reproduce a child and have a porno muzzy.
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I figured your ma's yer pa.. It all makes sense now.
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Posts: 2,746June 2012 Properly idiotic that post mate. The guys may have made the point in their own way, and i don't deny that if you said those jokes in my local you would have gotten a physical response, but the point they make is right why did you do that other than to get a reaction from a fans forum of a team which is based in liverpool so naturally most of it's fans would be based in liverpool?As Howie said you could of just changed it, not to taffs as we have them on board with us but just as easily with say mancs or geordies who actually skit at us scousers and got a great response....people baffle me at times
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- AussieSheila June 2012
- blue32years June 2012
- Daive521 June 2012
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- IhateRS June 2012
- mikraz June 2012
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