These are my thoughts on today's game...

~Melancholy Blue~ April 14, 2012

It's been a long day. I guess it tends to be that way when the game
comes on at 7:30 in the morning. I've had a lot of time to reflect upon
today's Fa Cup Semi loss, a lot of time. I have experienced a wide range
of emotions through the day and now that the day is coming to a close, I
feel completely spent.

I didn't sleep well at all last night.
Even before I went to bed I was a pile of knots. I tossed and turned and
when I awoke this morning I was a mix of anticipation and dread. We all
know how these derby games can be. You can be flying high one moment
and the next be drying your tears on your sleeve. Most times at the end
of the game you want a win or at least are thankful that no one was
injured so they can play the next week. But, this game was different. We
wanted to win. We needed to win. Not just to advance into the FA Cup
Final, but because we've been through so much this season, the money
woes, the need for new players, the list goes on...This game was
important to boost the morale of the team and frankly, we the fans need
something to cheer for. This game meant more to us than bragging rights
or a couple points.

When the game started I had pushed all
those butterflies away. I ran around the house in pure excitement. I was
flying high and couldn't stop smiling. This was a my first semi with
Everton playing in it and I wanted to remember every moment, every
second. I was beyond happy, I was over the moon! When Jelavic scored I
was on top of the world! I jumped to my feet and yelled, "It's peanut
butter Jelly time!" We went into the first half 1-0 and it was looking
so good.

When the second half started, it seemed like a
different team had taken the field. The guys looked shaky, tired, and
had lost their confidence. It showed on their faces and passes. Then
Distin made that awful back pass and the game feel apart. My heart sunk.
I never stopped believing we could still do it. But, then the second
goal came. I was so angry! I never get that mad, but I couldn't help it.
Just like that the game was over. I turned the tv off. I couldn't stand
to see anymore. I didn't want to see "them" celebrate a victory that
should have been ours.

A couple hours past and I tried to cheer
myself by finding a good side to all of this. I thought back to the
journey we have been on this season. The ups and downs that all us
Everton fans go on. The wins, the losses, the frustrations and the
overwhelming joy. Who would have thought when the season started we
would be playing in the FA Cup Semi-Finals!? We got this far and we can
do it again. I felt better for awhile and then went back to feeling like
someone had kicked me in the gut.

I have been moping around
the house most of the day with a heavy heart, close to tears most the
time. I guess it wouldn't hurt so bad if I hadn't wanted it so much.
After all this was a new experience for me, this was my first.

As I sit here writing this I've been reflecting on this journey of a
season. Remembering how it felt with each victory, the pride I felt in
my heart, and tears of joy. And I have to I smile, because that is what I
will remember most.

Sometimes it's not the destination but the
ride getting there that matters. And so it is with a heavy heart I say:
I'm ready to go on this crazy ride all over again!

Let's keep cheering the boys to victory, we still have a season to finish.