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TRUE STORY....
  • koolhandluke8
    Posts: 3,003
    Went to the doctors and he told me i needed a pacemeker.....

    so now i have an annoying little kenyan fu***r in front of me all day !!!
  • Jayee019
    Posts: 902
    I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!

    I am here till 16:00
  • HOWIE8
    Posts: 7,525
    I knew the mother in law was coming up the path, all the mice were throwing themselves on the traps......
  • OldGoldenVision
    Posts: 19,507
    Met a dutchman the other day; has sat nav built into his shoes!

    Feckin clever clogs!!!
  • sambo applecart
    Posts: 24,209
    An irishman went for a job as a blacksmith, when asked, 'have you any experience shoeing horses'......he replied..'no, but i once told a donkey to f**k off'!!
  • Sheltieforce
    Posts: 435
    A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

    To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You have even named your daughter 'Candy'."

    He turned to the second mum Ann. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, 'Penny'."

    He turned to the third mum, Joyce. "Your obsession is with alcohol. This shows, too, in your child's name, 'Brandy'."

    At this point, the fourth Mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick. This guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's go pick up Thomas and **** from school ."
  • sambo applecart
    Posts: 24,209
     A young Boy was sat in class scratching his crotch. Teacher asked him what was wrong. The Boy was embarrassed explaining that he had recently been circumcised & it was itchy. Teacher tells him to go to the office to ring his Mum for advice. The Boy comes back into class with his **** hanging out. "What on earth are you doing?" Asks the Teacher. Boy replies "My Mum said if I could stick it out till lunchtime she'd come get me"
  • zagan
    Posts: 4,703
    I was stopped by security at the airport today.
    He said, "Do you mind if I search your bag?"
    I said, "Go for it mate."
    After a quick rummage around he looked up at me and said, "And what are these?"
    I said, "They're my testicles."
  • OldGoldenVision
    Posts: 19,507
    A Glaswegian takes his girlfriend home for the first time to meet the parents.

    He says, "this is Amanda"

    His dad jumps off his seat and says, "It a feckin what!?!"
  • zagan
    Posts: 4,703
    An iPhone is useless to an immature person like me......I type "5318008" into the calculator and turn it upside down, but the screen rights itself.
  • kingmoyes
    Posts: 1,841
    Im looking to knock someone out like
  • OldGoldenVision
    Posts: 19,507
    Come on then, stick em up punk  :bz
  • Sheltieforce
    Posts: 435
    sambo applecart said:

     A young Boy was sat in class scratching his crotch. Teacher asked him what was wrong. The Boy was embarrassed explaining that he had recently been circumcised & it was itchy. Teacher tells him to go to the office to ring his Mum for advice. The Boy comes back into class with his **** hanging out. "What on earth are you doing?" Asks the Teacher. Boy replies "My Mum said if I could stick it out till lunchtime she'd come get me"





    :-D :-D
  • zagan
    Posts: 4,703
    kingmoyes said:

    Im looking to knock someone out like





    You know where I am.....I'll be ya punch bag......just hope I don't ask you to return the favour....I'm buff like...
  • sambo applecart
    Posts: 24,209
    zagan said:

    kingmoyes said:

    Im looking to knock someone out like





    You know where I am.....I'll be ya punch bag......just hope I don't ask you to return the favour....I'm buff like...




    I wish you too would just have a bum and get it over with, this tooing and frowing isnt doing any good for your frustrations imo.....
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