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My vets are the most unscrupulous thieving set of b*******s
  • Snowcone
    Posts: 6,785
    I could tell you about the one that tried to steal a parrot but I cba. However, I've just got a bill off the vet. 

    Turned up, shone a torch in the horses eye and gave us 5ml bottle of eye drops and said, put them in, should be OK in a few days.

    £95.96 that cost. 

    I prefer solicitors to vets.
  • sambo applecart
    Posts: 24,216
    you know how to stop that happening dont ya??
  • Snowcone
    Posts: 6,785
    sambo applecart said:

    you know how to stop that happening dont ya??


    -----------------



    Yep, kill the horses.
  • sambo applecart
    Posts: 24,216
    well that is an option also.....
  • zagan
    Posts: 4,705
    Dog bollox chopped off, one of those stupid satellite dishes to go on his head and eye drop's

    Cost me £165......

    The dog is now selling his ar*e on street corners to pay off the debt... 
  • blue32years
    Posts: 16,307
    My widge stuck up a rabbit

    485 quid removal

    3 weeks in prison

    Psychiatric visits
  • sambo applecart
    Posts: 24,216
    blue32years said:

    My widge stuck up a rabbit

    485 quid removal

    3 weeks in prison

    Psychiatric visits


    -----------------



    i hope they removed it AFTER prison 
  • Deus Ex Machina
    Posts: 3,216
    blue32years said:

    My widge stuck up a rabbit

    485 quid removal

    3 weeks in prison

    Psychiatric visits


    -----------------



    Priceless.
  • CharlieCroker
    Posts: 955
    Snowcone said:

    Yep, kill the horses.


    -----------------


    Kill a legal bandit (or a money lender/ insurance broker). It won't solve the problem, but it will make you (and many others) feel better. You get to keep the horses too.

    Thinking about it a bit more, buy an untamable beast, of any variety, and shove some really horrible stuff up its_arse. Then feed it with rotting cabbage laced with laxatives. They say on them, how long it takes. Then get the vet to attend to some complaint centred around the rear of the animal: _bollock scab for example, if such an ailment exists. I know nothing about animals. When he has finished, haggle over the invoice for good measure. Sorry I can't be any more help.

  • Snowcone
    Posts: 6,785
    CharlieCroker said:

    Kill a legal bandit (or a money lender/ insurance broker). It won't solve the problem, but it will make you (and many others) feel better. You get to keep the horses too.

    Thinking about it a bit more, buy an untamable beast, of any variety, and shove some really horrible stuff up its_arse. Then feed it with rotting cabbage laced with laxatives. They say on them, how long it takes. Then get the vet to attend to some complaint centred around the rear of the animal: _bollock scab for example, if such an ailment exists. I know nothing about animals. When he has finished, haggle over the invoice for good measure. Sorry I can't be any more help.


    -----------------

    The above would be a fantastic idea if the vets I have encountered so far hadn''t been absolutely terrified of horses. Saying that, when you do have a truly mental one, it takes either extreme bravery or complete stupidity to be close to them. I fall in the latter category.




  • IdiAminDaDa
    Posts: 7,487
    Snowcone said:



    -----------------



    When are yer gonna le' me take some pics of yer 'orses like mate?
  • Snowcone
    Posts: 6,785
    IdiAminDaDa said:

    When are yer gonna le' me take some pics of yer 'orses like mate?


    -----------------



    Whenever you want. Call down Sunday if yer want.
  • HOWIE8
    Posts: 7,570
    Jus my opinion like, but i think Vets are the most undervalued people going. What a proffession, totally in awe of them, we all love our animals large, small, long, short, hairy, bold, slimy prickly, furry, whatever we love em, and when they are poorly we take them to the Vet. He looks at the animal, doesnt ask it whats the problem animal, coz amazingly the animal cant speak n tell him, but with his knowledge of animals ways, health, bodily functions, he works out himself whats wrong and makes them better or receive a lovely peaceful way to go. What price can you put on your animals you love, we all know how much it hurts us when theyve gone, its sometimes worse than losing family. Thank you all Vets for your wonderful care...................


























    BTW............My late Dad was a Vet.................
  • CharlieCroker
    Posts: 955
    Now I understand the problem more, I can see that you need a more placid animal, so as to lull the venal vet into a sense of security. If all of your horses are wild, it may be necessary to drug them. Horse tranquillizer can be obtained from most reputable heroin suppliers, as I understand it. Next, shove a device, as shown in the diagram below, up the animal's_arse. You will need an old mobile telephone and a suitable water-tight enclosure, through which the contacts will protrude. A tupperware container will be ideal. Connect the relay to the bell circuit of the phone, having removed the bell. Your local electrical supplier should be able to advise you on the values of capacitance and inductance required etc. Some experimentaion may be necessary.

    All you need to do is, at the right moment, dial the number (remember to note it down). The animal will receive a burst of high voltage through the inner lining of its colon which will cause it to_shit uncontrollably- until you cancel the call. This procedure may be repeated as many times as you feel necessary, whenever the vet can be inveigled to stand under the_arse of the horse. To provide him with an incentive, a red marker pen may be used to put measles-like dots all over its perinium. If he has an ounce of professional enthusiasm, he will be drawn to this like a moth to a flame.image
    untitled.JPG
    640 x 400 - 17K
  • Snowcone
    Posts: 6,785
    HOWIE8 said:

    Jus my opinion like, but i think Vets are the most undervalued people going. What a proffession, totally in awe of them, we all love our animals large, small, long, short, hairy, bold, slimy prickly, furry, whatever we love em, and when they are poorly we take them to the Vet. He looks at the animal, doesnt ask it whats the problem animal, coz amazingly the animal cant speak n tell him, but with his knowledge of animals ways, health, bodily functions, he works out himself whats wrong and makes them better or receive a lovely peaceful way to go. What price can you put on your animals you love, we all know how much it hurts us when theyve gone, its sometimes worse than losing family. Thank you all Vets for your wonderful care...................


























    BTW............My late Dad was a Vet.................


    -----------------



    I'm sure your dad was a great man. However, the vets I have met have been clueless pocket emptying r soles. If I ever meet you I'll tell you about the parrot incident. Beggars belief. Had to get the police in and everything.

    Also, if they turn up the first thing they ask is, 'are you insured'. If you answer yes to that question, your horse will be taken in and given a stable that is no different to its own except that this one costs about 4 grand a night. It will be scanned, x rayed, blood tested, and taught to speak german. The bill to your insurance company would solve the national debt of a small country. Your horse will come back and they will tell you to rest it for a couple of weeks. After this it will be fine.

    If you answer NO, to  the above question, they will have a quick poke about, tell you to rest it for two weeks after which it will be fine.

    I only call them if I absolutely feel I have to.


  • Snowcone
    Posts: 6,785
    CharlieCroker said:

    Now I understand the problem more, I can see that you need a more placid animal, so as to lull the venal vet into a sense of security. If all of your horses are wild, it may be necessary to drug them. Horse tranquillizer can be obtained from most reputable heroin suppliers, as I understand it. Next, shove a device, as shown in the diagram below, up the animal's_arse. You will need an old mobile telephone and a suitable water-tight enclosure, through which the contacts will protrude. A tupperware container will be ideal. Connect the relay to the bell circuit of the phone, having removed the bell. Your local electrical supplier should be able to advise you on the values of capacitance and inductance required etc. Some experimentaion may be necessary.

    All you need to do is, at the right moment, dial the number (remember to note it down). The animal will receive a burst of high voltage through the inner lining of its colon which will cause it to_shit uncontrollably- until you cancel the call. This procedure may be repeated as many times as you feel necessary, whenever the vet can be inveigled to stand under the_arse of the horse. To provide him with an incentive, a red marker pen may be used to put measles-like dots all over its perinium. If he has an ounce of professional enthusiasm, he will be drawn to this like a moth to a flame.image


    -----------------



    Charlie, you are a great man. You may well be criminally insane also. 
  • lorrhapimp
    Posts: 307
    HOWIE8 said:

    Jus my opinion like, but i think Vets are the most undervalued people going. What a proffession, totally in awe of them, we all love our animals large, small, long, short, hairy, bold, slimy prickly, furry, whatever we love em, and when they are poorly we take them to the Vet. He looks at the animal, doesnt ask it whats the problem animal, coz amazingly the animal cant speak n tell him, but with his knowledge of animals ways, health, bodily functions, he works out himself whats wrong and makes them better or receive a lovely peaceful way to go. What price can you put on your animals you love, we all know how much it hurts us when theyve gone, its sometimes worse than losing family. Thank you all Vets for your wonderful care...................


























    BTW............My late Dad was a Vet.................


    -----------------



    That piece nearly brought a tear to my eye, reminded me of my late father










    He was a mechanic...............FACT...........
  • HOWIE8
    Posts: 7,570
    Snowy, things change over the years, cant say our Vet is bad, expensive yes, but its the price ya pay for having an animal, drugs cost the earth for the Vets to buy aswell and they have to make a tidy living for their expertease. However my Dad was a true James Herriot type Vet, farm animals mainly but pets aswell. Believe me when i tell you the Farmers owed him loads due to his generosity and good heart. We helped him with the work throughout our childhood years, and believe me when i say health n safety and child labour would have a field day nowadays, but we loved helping him and im priveliged to have had my youth as the son of a Vet mate, the stories i could tell........
  • CharlieCroker
    Posts: 955
    As long as I steer clear of the police, I should be OK. You never know when they are going to bring the psychologist in. I have a recurring nightmare, in which a constable says, "Is this your vehicle, sir?", I tell him the most plausible lie I can come up with and end up sharing a cell with Ian Huntley, who turns out to be an insufferable bore: a dire excuse for a human being who watches ITV3, listens to rap records and can't play chess.

    Just in case, I sometimes disguise myself as someone else, before going out in the car, but a hint of paranoia always remains. I am always checking in the rear view mirror, to see if I have forgotten something. For instance, if I am Diana Dors on a particular day, imagine my horror, if I discovered that I had forgotten to shave for several days. It's no good taking the trouble to find out which brand of cigarettes she smokes, if last month's zapata moustache is still in place. Better to stay in the house. I'm safe here. Nobody comes.
  • HOWIE8
    Posts: 7,570
    Hello........cuckoooooooo
  • Snowcone
    Posts: 6,785
    HOWIE8 said:

    Snowy, things change over the years, cant say our Vet is bad, expensive yes, but its the price ya pay for having an animal, drugs cost the earth for the Vets to buy aswell and they have to make a tidy living for their expertease. However my Dad was a true James Herriot type Vet, farm animals mainly but pets aswell. Believe me when i tell you the Farmers owed him loads due to his generosity and good heart. We helped him with the work throughout our childhood years, and believe me when i say health n safety and child labour would have a field day nowadays, but we loved helping him and im priveliged to have had my youth as the son of a Vet mate, the stories i could tell........


    -----------------



    Yer probably right mate, I may be being harsh. Just, the ones I've experience with have been awful. Problem with horses is, people assume you are loaded and yes, I would be if I didn't have horses. 
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