sambo applecart

Posts: 24,197

August 2012

blue32years said:

Is that you telling him he's a Mong in Geordie ?

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Yes mate it is. 

1ceablue

Posts: 3,253

August 2012 Barstewards .....

CharlieCroker

Posts: 949

August 2012

spengler said:

i CANT stand the french, especially that charles de gaull, when the germans invaded he upped sticks and ran, he always said he couldnt stand the english and churchill, but where did he run to?..US of course..and as for the great french resistance..dont make me laugh, they were about as much use as a c.o.c.k flavoured lollypop!!!!!!

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C.o.c.k.-flavoured lollipops are not as useless as you may think.

The day before yesterday, my washing machine packed up. The water went in, the heater element was fine and the drain pump worked perfectly, but the drum would not rotate. I removed the inspection panel at the rear of the machine to investigate. Now, I am no expert in the workings of domestic appliances, but my eye was immediately drawn to a dry joint where the live wire joins to the commutator on the drive motor. I gave my c.o.c.k.-flavoured lollipop a good suck and pressed it firmly against the connector for a good few minutes, to effect a connection of very low resistance. Today I am wearing clean socks and underpants.

In the spring, the lock to my garden shed suffered the cruel fate of having the key break off in it. I sucked hard on my c.o.c.k.-flavoured lollipop, indenting the surface liberally with my teeth. When it was ready, I worked it into the keyhole, while licking vigorously around it, to prevent it sticking to the escutcheon. After some manipulation, I was able to withdraw the broken end of the key, which I took to the locksmith to be rejoined to the other bit. He asked me how I had extracted it and I told him. “Yeah,” he said, “That’s how we do it here. It’s the only way.”

Last year, I was attending a furniture auction in Bristol, or it may have been Bath- my memory is not as good as it used to be. I had my eye on a Victorian solid oak sideboard. It was virtually unmarked but, as is the case with items this old, the varnish had become somewhat opaque, obscuring the grain of the wood a bit. I was prepared to strip it and revarnish it, if I could get it for around one hundred pounds. As the bids rose to this level, a gentleman, two rows in front of me and a lady, to the auctioneer’s left both enthusiastically raised their prospectuses, indicating a bid of exactly one hundred. I languidly raised my c.o.c.k.-flavoured lollipop, to no more than the height of my earlobe, and the auctioneer immediately accepted my bid. Whether my rivals were intimidated by the auctioneer’s obvious favour, I’ll never know, but imagine my delight when he intoned, “for the first… the second…” bang went the gavel, “sold to the lady with the c.o.c.k.-flavoured lollipop.”

Deus Ex Machina

Posts: 3,204

August 2012

CharlieCroker said:

C.o.c.k.-flavoured lollipops are not as useless as you may think.  

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Jimmy Savile concurs.

escla

Posts: 2,450

August 2012 Fountain of knowledge you like .....

blue32years

Posts: 16,273

August 2012 I heard Hitler made his nan a cup of tea once


Nice gesture like that / authorised the murder of millions of jews.


Balances itself out really